Recent thoughts about my body

 My whole life, but especially after having Abby, I have struggled with some body image issues. I've never been diagnosed with body dysmorphia or anything like that, but there have been very few times I've looked in the mirror and been happy with the body I saw reflected back at me. Either my tummy was too big, or my shoulders too broad, or my cellulite on the backs of my thighs is too disgusting... you get the picture. 

I was working out the other day in my living room. I was wearing short shorts because it was laundry day and my leggings were dirty. I decided to skip the shirt because I hate folding clothes, and I was the only one home (except Abby, but she was asleep.) I turned on my workout and started the warm up, and it felt so good. I love workouts that get my heart pumping fast, and make it hard not to smile! It makes me feel so alive. I was also loving the coolness of the fan blowing on me. I was rocking it. 

Then we got to a part where we had to do some jumping jacks. We did 4, then turned to the left. Then 4 more, and turned to the left again, until we had made a full circle. I was smiling my head off, doing the jumping jacks like a champ, and then I turned around and saw myself in the giant mirror we have hanging on our wall. 

Immediately my eyes went to all the jiggly spots. There were many. I stopped jumping and just looked at myself. In that instant, I went from feeling happy and on top of the world, to feeling completely ashamed of my body.

I stood there for a minute, and then a thought hit me like a ton of bricks: "So what?" So what if I'm jiggly? So what if I have stretch marks all over my tummy? WHO CARES? I thought about it for a while, and then decided nobody does. Nobody except me. 

But why do I care so much? I've decided it's at least in part because of what I think other people think about me when they see me. Do they see me and think, "Woah, her buns are huge"? Or, "She has man shoulders!"? I don't think anyone thinks those things. And even if they do, who cares? 

I have been thinking about that a lot lately, and while I definitely still have things about my body I'd like to change, I also feel so, so grateful. 

• My feet have supported me my whole life, walking miles upon miles in Brazil in terrible shoes. They never gave out, and they never even really hurt that bad (other than just normal aching.) That is such a huge blessing.
• My legs have carried me through so many half marathons, hikes, and walks. Those things bring me such huge amounts of joy.
• My hips are wide enough that I was able to give birth to Abigail the way I wanted to. That was hands down the most amazing and humbling experience of my life. 
• My tummy stretched out because I literally grew a tiny, perfect human inside of me. It stretched to accommodate Abby and still keep me alive. What a miracle.
• My back holds me upright every single day, pretty much without complaint. Do you know how many people suffer from chronic back pain? A lot. I am so grateful I don't have to deal with that. It is such a blessing.
• My arms and shoulders are strong, and have helped me to hoist up a growing baby over and over and over again. They have lifted heavy things and rendered service to other people. I am grateful for them. 

So even though I may never look like an Instagram fitness model, I can still be healthy. I can be strong. I can be happy. I can feel worthy. Because my body has done some incredible things, and it ain't stoppin' any time soon. 

Abigail's Blessing

 We blessed Abigail in our home at the end of June. It was so nice. Mason's parents and Lily were there, and so were Dad, Mom, Shauna (who made Abby's dress!) and Juliann. Bishop Hansen and his wife also came along. Some of the fam was able to participate via Zoom as well. We sang Families Can Be Together Forever, had a prayer, and then Mason blessed her. It was beautiful.

Here's what I remember Mason saying in the blessing:

    -She was blessed she'd continue to grow strong, she'd be strong and healthy and keep learning how to use her body she's been blessed with

    -She would continue to love being outside, her love for outside and nature would continue to grow

    -She would always remember that the people in the room love her very much, and there are people all over the country who love her and are very interested in her and in her life. She was blessed that she could turn to them for strength when she needed to

    -She would always remember that we love her and that Heavenly Father loves her

    -She's been born into this world and it seems unsure and dangerous, but she will know how she can be a bright spot in this world

Granma made her beaded socks. I love them so much!

2019 Christmas time

So, Christmas happened forever ago. It was fun.

After school got out in early December, Mason and I drove up to Beck and Ben's house in Ohio. It was a long drive but it was so gorgeous. I think our favorite part was driving through Kentucky. The scenery was breathtaking.
Also, we saw this:

Being at the Griffioen's house was SO MUCH FUN. I love going to visit family. We finished filming our Christmas music video while we were there:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zO2rri-QE6A&feature=youtu.be

We also had a fun time playing with the kiddos

Alexa made us this lovely banner for our room

We played in the snow

Mason built this with Lex and Austin. He also had a great time pushing them down the hill on the sled!

Also while we were there, Beck and Ben gave us all of Lex's baby clothes! We haven't had to buy hardly any clothes at all for Abigail. That has been SUCH A BLESSING.

Later, right before Christmas, Lane, Michelle, and Lily drove to Auburn from Las Vegas. We spent a day or two here at Auburn, gave them a tour of campus, ate at Foosackly's, and showed them our little house. It was so fun to see them! One of my favorite moments was when we were walking around campus, and they saw a magnolia pinecone and said, "What is THAT?!" They thought it was cool and weird.

The next day we packed up our Christmas presents and drove to Destin!!!

It was gorgeous

Mason put a chair on a sand bar that was like 50 feet away from the actual shore. It was hilarious!

He convinced Lily to brave the cold water to try it out.

This was our bed!!

We love each other

Basically, Christmas was awesome. It was wonderful have Mason home from school, to be with family, and to spend time at the beach. We are so blessed!

Mason's first year of grad school is in the books!

I wrote the first part of this post a while ago (like, last October), and I forgot to publish it! Here it is:

Mason is working his buns off at school! He usually leaves between 6:30 and 6:50 and rides his bike the 10ish minutes to school, and then most days doesn't get home until like 5 or 6 (except Monday, when he gets home at like 4). I think his flat tire count since we got here is 10. TEN FLAT TIRES. He is getting to be an expert at patching leaks in the tubes. His dad recently sent him some tires that are called Gator Skins, which sound awfully durable and tough, if you ask me. Mason has only gotten one flat tire since he put those new fancy tires on, which is GREAT. He patched the small leak just today, in record time.

Other than the flat tires, he's liking his group of peeps that entered the program the same time as him. They all share a big room and have individual cubicles where they spend a lot of their time working on homework and stuff. Mason talks the most about Andrew, Dakota, and Sean. They all seem funny and a little weird, which I like. I'm glad he is making friends!

In one of his classes, they all had to take a test. The average score was like a 27/40, but Mason got a 36/40! I am so proud.

He has a professor who always wears a hoodie with the hood up and his ears sticking out. It is ridiculous. He is also like the worst professor on the planet.

We bought a car! It is a Hyundai Accent (hatchback) and it's gray and I want to name it Francine. She's fast and gets GREAT gas mileage and has an Eco button that is cool and most importantly AIR CONDITIONING!!!!!! We are so incredibly grateful to Mom and Dad for loaning us the truck for so long. They are the greatest. But we also love our Francine!

We both got callings! I'm first counselor in Young Womens, and Mason was called to be second counselor in Young Mens, but then President Nelson changed the rules, so now he's a Young Mens specialist. We both got set apart today and are super pumped about our callings.



Mason's second semester of grad school was a little different, because of the COVID-19 pandemic going on. He got switched to online classes from home in March, and had to TA virtually as well. It was hard to figure out how to balance his work life and home life, especially since we have a little baby and I wanted all the help I could get, but I think we have worked out a system that works pretty well.

Mason has worked so hard this year and I am so proud of him. He consistently does well on tests and assignments and he loves to learn so much! He won an award for being the most outstanding first year grad student in his department. Me and Abby are both so proud of him!

This summer he's going to start doing research with a professor in biophysics. He is excited and a little nervous but I know he will be great. It has been so awesome to see him really work hard this year and learn so much and connect with the people in his group that are also first year grad students. Mason is growing in so many ways and it is just astounding! It can't be overstated how proud I am of him.

12 week old Abby!

Abigail is the cutest baby on the planet. Here are about 6 billion pictures of her first twelve weeks of life:

3 days old

So tiny on the Pack and Play changing table!

She loved to sleep with her arms out like this when we held her.

This daddy loves his girl

She went on her first walk at 8 days old. It was a short one because we were all terrified of her crying!

8 days old, starting to get some meat on those bones

Smiling in her sleep

Her first non-sponge bath!

Pumping away. I used to nurse her for 45 minutes, and then pump afterward in an effort to increase my milk supply. While I pumped Mason would feed her formula. It took a lot of time and I think all three of us are super glad we switched over to exclusively formula feeding!

Jenna came to visit after she was born and was SO WONDERFUL to have around. She made sure Abby stayed nice and cozy the whole time she was here.

Zombie arms

Tummy time with Dad

Cute feet

She loves to go on walks and sleep

Celebrating making it to 1 month old in her pink tutu!

Post-bath snuggles to warm her up

Desperately trying to get a few more minutes of sleep

Getting all dressed up for at home church (thanks, corona virus). Shauna made her this cute dress!

SHE LOVES BATH TIME

She wasn't too sure how she felt about her St. Patrick's Day outfit from Grandma

She likes to flare her nostrils when she's concentrating or talking

Soooo tired

Celebrating 6 weeks of life!

Two months old!

Stats from her 2 month well check.

We try to get her to look at herself in the mirror, but usually she just finds a light and looks at that instead.

Mason put her pants on.

She LOVES to be outside

Fast asleep

The happy family on Easter ;)

We took forever trying to figure out how to use this sling, and when we finally put her in there she HATED it and it was hilarious!

These pom poms we hung above her changing table might be her very favorite things in the entire world (aside from us and formula, of course).

Mason is a super awesome dad. He loves Abby so much!

Pre-sneeze.

Watching mom and dad eat supper

We love it when Mason can take breaks during the day and hang out with us.

Stylin'.

This carseat cover is her other favorite thing. She likes to play with it in her bed until she falls asleep.

She recently discovered her hands and she is constantly sucking on them. She gags herself often.

Perhaps there's some curl in her hair?

Most of her dresses are too short. She's a tall girl!

She is so beautiful!

She is getting so good during tummy time! We recently started using the boppy to make it a little more interesting. We have to watch her really closely or else she pushes herself off with her legs and face plants every 10 seconds!

Abby's tricks include:

• Sticking her tongue out super long
• Recognizing her bottle and her sucker and opening her mouth when she sees them
• Rolling over (although she hasn't done that since she was about 7 weeks...)
• Opening and closing her little fists
• Holding her hands together in front of her
• Kicking her legs like CRAZY
• Falling asleep pretty well even though we don't rock her to sleep
• Sleeping through the night. She slept NINE HOURS STRAIGHT last night!

Abby loves:

• Mom and Dad
• Eating
• When we make silly faces at her
• Bath time
• Being outside
• Airing out under her pom poms
• Lights
• Spreading her hands out as big as they can get while she eats (she has done that since she was born!)

Abby hates:

• Getting put in her car seat
• Changing clothes
• Waiting to be fed once she decides she's hungry
• Sitting in a stinky diaper for longer than like 2 seconds

We sure do love her. Having a baby is the greatest decision we ever made. She makes us so happy and we are so grateful she's ours!